Once I heard a story. It was told with anger, with detail, with certainty. Anyone who heard only that version would have made a judgment in five minutes.

Few days later, I heard the other person speak.

Same incident. Completely different story.

That is when I remembered what my father used to say: a coin has two sides. You cannot see the full coin by looking at only one side.

We judge too quickly. It is a habit now.

Someone tells us about a fight in a family, a problem at work, a divorce, a resignation. We do not ask questions. We pick a side. We share it on WhatsApp. We comment. We advise people we have never met about a life we do not live.

In my 36 years in administration — in HCT, in facilities across UAE and Kerala — I have sat in rooms where two people told me opposite versions of the same event. Both believed they were right. Both had some truth. Neither had the full truth.

The mistake we make is not that we listen. The mistake is that we stop at the first story.

Three Things Worth Remembering

01
Hearing is not listening
Hearing takes two seconds. Listening takes patience. When someone is upset, they will give you their pain first — not the facts. If you react to pain alone, you will always take sides. Wait. Ask the second question: "What happened before that?"
02
Judging is easy. Understanding is work.
It is easy to say "Who is wrong" or "Who should have done this." It costs nothing. But to sit with both people, to understand the pressure they were under, the history behind the moment — that takes time. Most of us are not willing to spend that time, especially when the story is not ours.
03
If it is not your life, it is not your verdict.
This is the hardest one in our culture. We care, yes. We are community people. But caring does not mean commenting. Unless someone asks for your help, your job is to listen — not to judge. I have seen families break not because of the original problem, but because of ten other people's opinions piled on top.

Earn Your Opinion

I am not saying don't have an opinion. I am saying — earn it. Earn it by hearing both sides. Earn it by knowing the full context. If you cannot do that, keep the opinion to yourself.

Next time you hear a story that makes you angry, pause. Tell yourself: there is another side to this coin. I have not seen it yet.

If you get to hear it, you will be surprised how often your first judgment changes.

And if you never hear it — because it is not your business — then let it be. Silence is also a good answer.

An Incident

✦ From Real Life

Someone came to me once — troubled, convinced they were wronged. I listened. Then I asked one question:

"Did you revisit all the issues from your side?"

The answer was no.

I said: "Then you are part of the reason. Correct your mistake first, and everything will start falling into place. I am a stranger to you — but you two are one. It is easy for others to interfere, but very hard for you to fix it later."

They didn't expect that answer.

But they went home and thought about it.

That problem is finished now. They are good. And they still have respect for me — not because I took their side, but because I didn't.

"A coin has two sides.
You cannot see the full coin by looking at only one.
My father knew this. Now I pass it on."

AA

Antony Ancil — Kollam, Kerala

36 years in administration — UAE and Kerala. Writing from real experience, not theory. Founder, Venad Global Consultancy.